Many people wonder why my husband and I work together. They say, “I could never work with my spouse.” I say, “Who else do you know so well, trust so much and want to spend your time with?”
Yet, the path we walk together is strewn with the challenges of our differences. I’ve been wildly successful at setting goals and then “doing whatever it takes” to achieve them. Glenn sets his intention and then gently enters into a seemingly effortless flow. Oddly (to me) we sometimes reach the outcome simultaneously.
I “tackle” problems; Glenn patiently waits for the solution to be revealed. It’s like the difference between my struggling to untie a knot in a delicate necklace vs. his lightly holding the chain until it unravels itself.
With a new goal in sight, I urge Glenn to get to work. He starts down his easy-going path. It makes me crazy to see him so relaxed when I think he should be in high gear. Resentment builds and my inner victim shouts, “I’ll just do it all myself!”
As frustration mounts, I call on the Agreements to help me. “I agree to resolve conflicts directly” starts a conversation with Glenn. “I agree to respect our differences” arises as Glenn reminds me that if I enjoy working intensely, go for it! But remember, that’s not his way. I reflect on how life would be if Glenn was as driven as I: we probably would have burned out a long time ago. Could it be a “blessing in disguise” that my husband is so laid back?
“I agree to change what isn’t working.” Me! I begin focusing on the task rather than blaming. As results appear, I relax.
Suddenly I’m appreciating Glenn’s way. I “see the best” in him. His piece of the puzzle and mine fit together in such a complementary way that I am totally empowered to do what I love, work day and night if I want, and still have a loving husband and family to return to. Ah, a “blessing in disguise”!
Once again I am grateful for having the Agreements as my guide down the sometimes bumpy road of relationships. With a renewed appreciation for my darling husband, my joy of work, and my delight in continual personal growth, I attend to the final agreement and “lighten up!”
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